Friday, September 7, 2007


Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof

One of the things about weddings is the number of traditions that one "must" do. And as Tevye knows, there are some things that are done because they have always been done that way.

Before Calvin and I told anyone that we were engaged, we sat down and made a list of things that we didn't want to do.

-no bouquet toss- I've been humiliated too many times by this.
-no garter toss- Calvin has been humiliated too many times by this.
-no chicken dance- although polka music is part of my family's heritage, Calvin said no. We will have the "Beer Barrel Polka" (aka "Roll out the barrel" instead).
-no wedding cake- Neither one of us are big cake people, and I really don't like it. Creme brulee for everyone instead!
-no "giving away" of the bride- I'm an independent woman.
-no "Hear comes the bride"- Why is it about me? It should be about us.
-no groom standing at the alter/father escorting the bride down the aisle- We plan to walk in together
-no white dress- Red is my favorite color!
-coed bridal attendants- Why can't my brothers stand on my side?
-no matching bridesmaids dresses- Why do they have to wear the same thing?
-Photographs before the reception- This eliminates the wait time between the ceremony and the reception

Needless to say, this has caused some concern by the family, but for the most part, they are okay with it. My mom has made it clear that no one would actually think that the giving away part of the ceremony meant that my father was actually giving me away. When she has asked me about it, I haven't been able to provide an acceptable reason to why he shouldn't walk me down the aisle, other than I don't like the symbolism of that, and we do like the symbolism of us walking down together.

And I have caved on other traditional things. My wedding dress is (alas!) not red. My brothers may end up standing up with Calvin- it is even that way, and would be grossly uneven if they didn't. And the bridesmaids may end up wearing different dresses in the same color by the same designer.

Are there traditional things that you have decided not to do? What have others said to you about the decisions not to include "traditional" wedding things?


Mayumi said...

I agree about hating the bouquet toss, garter toss, and father walking down the aisle. However, when I brought up not wanting to be "given away" to my mom, she nearly lost it. She wouldn't even listen to my argument about me not being a possession of anyones. Needless to say, I haven't even mentioned the bouquet/garter stuff. I already gave in to her "white dress" request rather than the beautiful spun gold I wanted. I am getting pretty fed up... I'm glad your family is more supportive!

R. Schreiber-Reis said...

I hoped to have both mother and father walk with me; however, my mother is a fairly traditional person, and that idea simply didn't "sit well" with her. So I let it go because, as you say, the day is not about the bride, or even about the bride and the groom- it is about the whole family. I didn't want to force my mother to do something that she was clearly not comfortable with. But, alas, I would have liked that. Oh, and I just picked one of my favorites ("Ave Maria") and had my friend sing it while I walked down the aisle. Waaay better than "Here Comes the Bride" on the organ.

I quickly vetoed the garter toss, but did the bouquet toss- with a twist. Of course, every single person in the room should vie for the flowers! I had all of the men and women out there, and it turned out to be way more enjoyable, and less suggestive, than the "traditional" bouquet toss.

Also, you will not have the issue of the "cake-in-face-debate". I HATE cake in the face. There was none of that disgusting nonsense at our wedding!

mnc said...

lol-I liked reading that.

I feel the same way. My BMs will wear the same color, but I'm letting them choose what they wanna wear from several styles of dresses that I've identified.

I really like the idea of walking down the aisle by myself to meet my fiance. Something never sat right with me about "giving away"--I think you hit it on the head.

My mom is super supportive of my non-traditional ways, but my fiance is pretty conservative (and so are his parents). He vetoed the idea of cupcakes in lieu of cake and I know he'll probably want to do the garter/bouquet toss *sigh*

melissa pillari said...

Hi, It's mrs. P here. When TJ got married, they met prior to the ceremony, in a special place and then prayed together. then they both greeted the guests as the guest came into the church. What I especially loved was that Tom and I walked TJ down the aisle and then Quinn was walked down by both of her parents. I never saw it as any of us giving our kids away. It represented that they had each come from the love of the parents and the parents were joined with them in wanting the marriage to be the beginning of a wonderful new family.