No conflict

Awhile back, Mrs. Tomato mentioned Brilliant Earth in her post about conflict-free diamonds. I wanted to share my brother's experience working with them on his fiancee's engagement ring.

As both of them are laid-back individuals heavily interested (and involved) in sustainable development and social justice, my brother didn't want to involve himself with DeBeers. However, he also knew that DeBeers or not, her wanted to get his lovely fiancee a diamond engagement ring.

After a bit of internet searching, he came across Brilliant Earth, and quickly settled on this ring:

White Gold Halo from Brilliant Earth

Less than 2 weeks later, it arrived at his friend's apartment (my brother knew there was no way it could be delivered to their apartment, as his fiancee gets home from work before him), and a couple of weeks after that, they were engaged.

He's thrilled with the ring, she's thrilled with the ring, and their both happy that it was purchased from a company that provides diamonds ethically.

What are your thoughts about conflict-free jewelry?

I changed my mind

You may recall my earlier post about our wedding rings. Well, I need to come clean, because those aren't actually our bands. Yes, we did ordered them. But I kept thinking that the 4mm milgrain was too wide, and that the 2mm was too narrow. 3mm would have been perfect, but they just didn't make it that width.

So we (I) decided (why did I do this?) to check out the rings at the ever popular Tiffany & Co. (You might say that this was actually a result of the browsing I did after reading the comments of the earlier post. With so many people getting their rings there, I just had to check it out online. Readers, I think you may be a bad influence on me.)

And what was there, but this lovely ring?

Milgrain wedding band, 3mm

It was perfect. Narrow, but not too narrow. Delicate, but not too delicate. A little bit cheaper than the other ring (since it does, after all, have less metal in it.) And the milgrain is incredibly detailed.

And of course, Calvin decided that he wanted to switch rings as well, so that ours would still match. (This actually meant that his ring was more expensive, but oh well. You only do this once, right?)

Because of the timing (our other rings had not yet come in), we were able to obtain a full refund for canceling the order of our first set of rings. This is one of only a couple of times during the wedding planning where I've changed my mind about something after I've made a purchase. Luckily, in each case, we've been able to make a return for a full refund.

What have you changed your mind about during the wedding planning process? If it was something you purchased, were you able to get a refund?

Ring-A-Ding-Ding*

That's right, folks. We have purchased our wedding rings.

We had a really good experience with Calvin's Artcarved engagement ring, and decided that we wanted to stick with Artcarved for our wedding rings- because of the guarantees and their lifetime resizing promise. So we went to look at rings last week, and placed our order this week. In the process of doing this, we learned that January is one of the slowest months of the year for jewelers, so it is a lot easier to negotiate prices.

So. On to the goods.

It's important to note that I specifically did not want a wedding ring with stones (diamond or otherwise.) We do quite a bit of traveling, and I would rather have a non-flashy wedding ring that I can wear all the time than to have a separate ring for travel.

Given the no bling requirement that I had, we also decided to get matching bands. Now, I know that matching bands is something that very few people seem to do these days, but...we just liked the idea.

My ring (4mm milgrain):

Calvin's ring (5mm milgrain):

(both images from here.)

Did you and your fiance/husband opt to get matching rings? Why or why not?

*apologies to Frank

Make your own wedding rings!

I just came across this amazing place. New York Wedding Ring, located in both New York and in San Francisco, lets you make your own wedding ring or engagement ring. How cool is that? The price strikes me as being a bit on the high side, but think about how awesome it would be to tell the grandkids that not only is your wedding ring completely original (you can design it yourself), but that you also made it with your own hands?

Now, these rings definitely do not look "homemade" at all.

Palladium rings

Palladium ring with gold inlay

Diamond and Peridot Engagement Ring

Blue cultured diamond engagement ring

In case you didn't notice, you have the opportunity to make rings in palladium, in addition to gold and platinum. So not only can you DIY, but you can DIY out of a really awesome metal as well. If Calvin and I were located on either coast (alas! we are not, but will be in the next five years if all goes according to plan), we would definitely consider doing this.

How do you feel about making your own wedding ring?

All things sparkly

So before we boarded the wedding planning train, I knew I didn't want poof, or tulle, or sparkle. To summarize, we didn't want this:


If you must, it is available from bakingshop.com.

A picture is worth a thousand years. And then some.

Anyways, lace, froof, poof, pearly, white- not exactly what I was thinking. However, when I tried on my dress, the very helpful ladies at the dress shop pinned a brooch to the back of the bustle. And it looked fabulous, even though I am typically not much of a fan of such bling.

Naturally, I was then on the prowl for a fabulous brooch. Preferably one that had some red in it, since my dress is not red.

Now, I haven't mentioned it, but am thrift shopper extraordinaire. Anyone who knows me knows that my best clothes and accessories tend to come from there. For whatever reason, I have a knack for finding clothes six months to a year before they hit the stores. From a brown herringbone coat that J Crew employees thought was coming in their next shipment, to a blazer that I saw at Urban Outfitters for 15 times what I paid for it, to my green suede vintage Nikes, I'm a bargain shopper.

In a search for a brooch, what better place to go than to hit up the thrift stores? So I checked my normal places, but found nothing. So I decided, on a whim, to scout out the vintage stores in town. Vintage stores typically have a better selection/quality than thrift stores, but also tend to be much more expensive. Star Vintage had a nice brooch, but it wasn't red, and it was around $40, which the eliminated the whole saving money aspect of vintage shopping. On a whim after lunch with a friend, I went to The Getup- which turned out to have exactly what I was looking for. Pure awesomeness.

Best of all, I talked with one of the owners, who waived the typical "no returns" policy, so that I could try things on at home. I ended up returning one pair of earrings, but have kept the following for my wedding day:

For my dress- it measures about 2" across. $14.

For my hair- they are clip on earrings, and measure about 1" across. $10 for the pair.

A brooch that was too awesome not to get. 1 1/2 inches. $12.

Total for everything: $36, not including tax. Not to shabby considering the prices of new brooches, and that this was the first time I had seen anything even remotely close to what I wanted.

Lesson learned: Thrift shops are your friend. And not only for vintage plates or glasses for your reception, but also for jewelry.

an engagement ring for him?

Yes, folks. Although the ring on Calvin's left ring finger appears to be a wedding band, it is in fact an engagement ring.

When it was evident to both of us that we would be getting engaged, I asked Calvin what it was that he wanted for our engagement. I didn't feel that it was fair that I get a ring, and he gets, well nothing beyond the joy of knowing that we're getting married. Guess what his response was?


Yes, he wanted a Wii. I told him that was not exactly what I was thinking, and that I wasn't planning to buy him something that would be obsolete in a couple of years. I was thinking something that would last, maybe along the lines of a watch. Calvin surprised me a bit, and said that he wanted a ring as well.

So on my last day in town before Christmas last year, I dragged Calvin to the jewelry store- the same store where we got my original ring- and said that he had to pick one. Today. For a bit of background, he had looked at rings several times, and had been wavering for several weeks about which one he wanted.

This is what he picked:

Corinthian by ArtCarved.

Like my ring, it is made in Palladium.

Calvin really likes wearing a ring. I've been asking him lately about whether he wants another ring as a wedding ring, or whether he wants to use the same ring. He hasn't figured that out yet.

Did you get your fiance something for your engagement? If he has a ring, will he use that as his wedding ring, or is he getting a separate wedding ring?

the wonders of palladium

My engagement ring looks like it is platinum, but it is not. It is palladium.

For those of you who haven't heard, palladium is posing to be the next biggest thing in jewelry. It is whiter than platinum, making it perfect for those looking for white-silver colored jewelry. It is lighter than platinum, which is perfect for those who don't like the weight of platinum rings, as well as for other types of jewelry, such as earrings, that can't feasibly be made of platinum because of the weight. It is stronger than platinum, which is definitely a good thing when it comes to rings not bending. It is 95% pure, like platinum rings are.

One more benefit? It is cheaper than platinum. Much cheaper. It is currently priced at not much more than white gold. And unlike white gold, it is hypoallergenic and never needs to be plated because its natural color is white.

This article does a good job of explaining many of the benefits.

And one more thing, unlike the mining of other aspects of jewelry, it is readily available by this mine that engages in safe, legal, ethical mining practices.

Look at theses rings:

Rings found here.

Of what is your engagement ring or wedding ring made?

getting the ring- the saga

When we first were considering settings, we went to several local jewelers. Abracadabra seemed nice, but small. Austin and Warburton was high quality, with a similarly high price tag. And then we stumbled on what we thought was a winner, rated by local newspapers' readers' polls as the best jeweler in town.

They ordered stones for us, and we found the perfect one. Given the type of setting I wanted- low profile, half bezel set- it had to be a custom ring.

Long story short, the ring was originally made in the wrong metal, so they remade it. In the meantime, Calvin proposed to me sans ring. The ring came in, and it looked lovely:

Only problem was, six weeks later, the stone was loose. The whole reason I wanted that type of setting was so that the ring wouldn't be loose. Back it went, and it came back fixed. A month later, it was loose. Back it went, and it came back fixed. Less than two weeks later it was loose again. Back it went, and they recognized that it wasn't made properly in the first place.
Lewis Jewelers pledged to remake it with some slight modifications, and we came in to examine a wax cast of the ring with the stone. Only problem is, the stone was chipped. Significantly. It was now .02 carats smaller than it was before.

Calvin was refunded his money, and we were back to square one.

I now have a fabulous new ring in a slightly updated design that is oh so comfortable to wear. From Abracadabra:


The jeweler's comments on the ring are
"This Custom made ring is a unique one all around! The center stone is an oval Red Spinel with great fire. The customer choose the ring design, as a take on a tension mount, but with a bridge underneath for sizing and stability. Channel set diamonds run in two ribbons along the side of the center stone. The ring is cast in an up and coming metal, Palladium. Palladium has many of the same properties as Platinum. It's whiter, has increased wear resistance, a pure 950 metal, and is more resistant to tarnish. The romantic twist? Palladium is named after the Greek Goddess Pallas. She is the Goddess of Wisdom, the Arts, and the embodiment of Purity & Strength. Who wouldn't want a bit of that in their ring?"

While Calvin did most of the work with Steven, the owner of Abracadabra, all of my interactions with the people who work there have been fantastic. You can check out more of the amazing work of Abracadabra here.

Did anyone else have issues or complications with their engagement rings? If you did, how was it resolved?

our alternative to diamonds

Miss Peony over at Weddingbee has a great post about different aspects of the 4Cs of diamond shopping- cut, clarity, carat and color.

Which got me thinking about my own engagement ring. I do not have a "traditional" engagement ring, in that it isn't a diamond solitaire, or even consisting only of diamonds. The concept of "the traditional diamond engagement ring" stems from a giant advertisement campaign by DeBeers in the 1930s. This Slate article does a good job of discussing the evolution of the engagement ring.

Conflict, violent and corporate sponsored tradition aside, I knew that a diamond engagement ring wasn't for me. When we first started looking at rings more than six months prior to getting engaged, we looked at a lot of different things. And trying on diamond rings just didn't feel like me. It was too sparkly, too bling-y, too girly, and not in a good way. And I am rough on my hands, so I knew that a traditional solitaire and setting wouldn't work for me.
(l to r: round solitaire with tiffany (prong) setting, princess solitaire with prong setting, both from Blue Nile)

So we started looking at stones, and, not surprisingly, I was drawn to red. I love the look of deep red stones.

(the Carmen Lucia Ruby from the Smithsonian)

In the process of looking at stones, we learned about a very cool gemstone that is a favorite among jewelers and is not well known by the public. It is rarer than diamonds are, and comes in nearly every color of the rainbow. May I present to you...

The Spinel

(image found here)

The thing that I really like about spinels is that they come in a deeper red color than rubies typically do, which tend to be more bright red/pink red. I love the color of garnets, but they are an incredibly soft stone that is not durably enough for everyday use in a ring. Spinels are an 8 on the Mohs hardness scale; sapphires and rubies are 9, and diamonds are 10. They are durable enough that synthetic versions are used to create the stones in class rings.

Once we figured out the type of stone, we had to find the right stone, and then figure out a setting.

What are your thoughts on a non-diamond engagement ring? Do you have an alternative engagement ring, or a completely different symbol of engagement?